Where do you go?
Breathe Jessica, breathe. In and out, in and out. Don’t stop. Don’t let go. You can do it. Breathe.
My personal mom pep talk. There are those days that start with nights of lack of sleep. I wake up wondering if I’ve even slept at all. My boys beg for things and when I try to meet their needs they stand at the gate and scream at me. Instead of playing nicely and lovingly all that is happening is pushing and shoving with lots of crashes and bangs to go with it. And me, I just want to pull my hair out. I want to run away. I want to go up to my room, dive into my bed and pull the covers up over my head. (And to think I want twelve of these little darlings.)
So, why am I sharing these thoughts with you? Do I think you really want to read about my bad days? Is revealing my unhappy days something that I believe will benefit you? Yep, I do. I think we all have a real side that each of us needs to see. We need to know that those we share our lives with are real.
Being home with my kids everyday can get a little lonely, especially now that I don’t have a car. This makes my social life very cyber. (It’s hard to do things with others when you always have to ask them to come to you. But I haven’t given up on finding some moms close to me. I even printed myself up some business cards that I carry around with me in case I meet someone.) As we all know life in the cyber world is only what we want others to see. We can put on our jolly writing face and tell everyone how fantastic things are. Because our readers can’t see us we can pretend that we get dressed everyday and have our hair and make-up perfect. We can pretend that our children are always clean and well-behaved. We can pretend that a dirty dish never sits on our counter and the laundry not only always gets washed, but it gets put away too. We can pretend that everyday we hear the audible voice of God telling us just what to do with each minute of our day. And that our voices are always happy and calm. The truth is that we all actually have days like that, or at least sort of. And because we do we all try to live in those days as much as we can. But in the real world, things just don’t always come out that way.
Life is messy. Days are hard. We walk around with aching bodies and aching heads. We wonder if we can take one more step or even just one more breath. Two moves can turn my day a different direction. The first is to go to the garden. You know, The Garden. Even Jesus had to go the Garden of Gethsemane. It’s that place of surrender. The place where I lay aside my weak, wimpy, angry nature and stop. It’s where I drink from His cup and find nourishment and refreshment. When I am in the garden I remember that I am doing what I was made to do. That I am a privileged woman. Me, broken and cracked vessel that I am. His vessel. This is the part where my lungs begin to fill with air again. His vessel. I breathe in; I breathe out. His vessel. I grab a hold of His hand and He lifts me up.
Step two. Be open. This is the place where I allow others to see my imperfections. This is where I open my door and let somebody in. This is where I let you in. Just me. I am real. I am not perfect, but I am found in Him.
The real me is waiting to meet you today in the depths of His love. What do you do when you get buried in the normal day to day? Anybody else ever go to the garden? I would love to hear what you do!