It was one of “those” moments…
Today started out pretty ordinary…other than the fact that I am still having pretty extreme back pain. Yummy woke up early, 5:30AM, hungry and ready to start his day. I did what I could for him and then laid down to rest. Back was aching, aching. (My pelvis is out of whack right now. It’s tilted so one side is higher than the other and also turned in a bit. This is making things very difficult right now.)
Our potty training adventure have been going pretty well actually and I trust Yummy’s sense of timing more and more. Pee pee accidents are few and far between. We can even leave the house for short trips in undies only. (BTW – I have decided that Pull-Ups make me lazy and I am trying very hard not to use them too often.) Most days he runs around the house in just undies or his birthday suit because that’s the easiest.
Today, we knew company was coming so it was definitely an undie day and as I love to see him in his cute little clothes I wanted to add some of them too. It took some digging in his clean clothes basket, but I found something cute to wear and a pair of undies. He was busy building me a tower in his room and I didn’t have the energy to fight him to get him dressed right then, so I went downstairs to rest my back a bit.
I was actually feeling pretty good hearing him use the bathroom. After a while, Yummy calls out to me. “Mama, poo poo.” Uh-oh was my first thought. I struggle to get off the couch. “Do you need to use the potty, honey? Mama’s coming.” “No Mama, I did poo poo.” More uh-oh’s running through my mind.
Then everything got worse. I came up the stairs to discover that my darling little angel had pooped on his bedroom floor. Not only that, but being like his amazing Daddy he knew it needed to be cleaned up. So, he took the clean shirt on the top of his basket and proceeded to wipe up his mess. By the time I arrived it was pretty bad. There was poop everywhere. On his floor, on the now “not clean” shirt, on his fingers and legs and feet. GROSS!
I was so upset, not so much at him, okay, so I was upset at him and at my pain and how was I going to clean up the mess. It was bad. My attitude got as stinky as the mess I was cleaning up. I started crying out at him…”Where does poo poo go?” His initial response was “in the potty”, but as I asked it over and over his response simply turned to “I’m sorry Mommy. I’m sorry Mommy.” I got the poop cleaned up as best I could as my back was killing me from bending over and I was very afraid of popping things out of place again. I decided that even though I was hurting I should probably try to steam clean the carpet. I took Yummy and his shirt downstairs while he continued to tell me how sorry he was. I scrubbed his shirt and told him to just be quiet and sit on his potty. How mean was I?
I found the steam cleaner to be buried behind a pile of junk that my back would not allow me to move. Yummy continued to feel bad and I had to tell him that I was trying to forgive him. What a yucky mommy!!! Eventually, I got over my idiocy and forgave him. I am sure I will even laugh about this someday (which by the way, most of the people I told already have…thanks for that.) The little naked butt got clothed and we had a great rest of the day.
This was one of what I am sure will be many learning moments for me. I don’t ever want to be like that again. I want to show my darlings peace and love regardless of the circumstances. I CAN make a choice in “these” moments and I choose that I will be better from now on!
I also choose to not feel guilty over my actions and choose to see each moment as a fresh one. Pain will not dictate my reaction and responses. Also, I will keep it stored in my memory that I never cause my children to feel such guilt again.
Yummy, if you ever read this I want you to know that I LOVE YOU with all my heart and you are a fantastic amazing wonderful little boy! ~Mommy